Old friend, painful memory

Gen placed M. Errazuris' card carefully in her wallet after being ushered out of Madds' office. Quiet and withdrawn, she wandered out of the military justice building with M. Merrion in tow. Outside, the air was sharp and fresh with a breeze from the north. The cold bit at her, forcing her to shiver to keep warm.  At that moment, she missed the warmth of Psyra more than ever before.

She glanced longingly at the skeletal trees. There were plenty on the Imperial Island, so she made her way to the nearest, an ancient specimen rooted beside the avenue, its trunk larger than she could wrap her arms around.  She reached out to touch its patterned bark, but it was fast asleep and dreaming for the winter. There would be no comfort for her here.

"Major Falgout was my friend, M. Merrion," she murmured, turning her haunted eyes towards the old man. "He was posted to Arguvan in that last year before the war broke out. He was a Lieutenant then. He was so full of himself... I couldn't stand him. But somehow, we became friends.

"The day the rebels struck was a market day, so I was in Arguvan to sell our produce and cashmere. I stayed after the market ended to visit with Madds. I... I often did that." Gen's throat constricted and she struggled to relate the rest of her story. She wasn't sure why; she just thought she owed M. Merrion the courtesy, since he had agreed to accompany her on her mission today. "On my way home, I saw the smoke. I whipped the horses back to town... alerted Madds' men.

"By the time we got to the farm, there was nothing left. They'd burnt everything. We found my family in... it would have been the kitchen. They died holding each other. While I was with Madds. If only I'd gone home... Oh, I wish I'd just gone home!" Gen's tears froze on her cheeks.

August put his hand on her back, giving her what little comfort he could. "I'm sorry, Gen," he said quietly. "Wondering why you're not dead - or wishing that you were - is a feeling that I know pretty well. And missing people you've loved... " He trailed off a little, allowing her a moment to cry.

"I don't know if it's better or worse for you that Madds is the one you encountered here - obviously it brings back a lot of difficult memories. But I think he means well, and wants to help you."

Gen sniffled; since she'd first fallen apart at the late night bar with Dorien two months ago, it seemed she'd been crying non-stop. She was exhausted from crying but she couldn't see any end in sight. She swallowed a few times, but the lump in her throat just wouldn't go away. "I'm sorry, M. Merrion. It's not really fair, my weighing you down with problems that aren't yours, is it. I just wish he hadn't seen me. I'd rather he remembered the girl he knew, not the wreck I am now."

"Don't you worry about that," he assured her. "You shouldn't have to bear your problems alone, and I offered to help, after all. Right now, do you want me to just get you home, or is there somewhere else you'd rather go?"

"I need to go somewhere I can call this lawyer to book an appointment, I suppose. I don't know how soon the investigators will come, so I'd best not put this off. After that, I don't know. Somewhere I can get a drink." In spite of the desolation lingering in her eyes, Gen seemed to be calming down a little - at least for the moment - as she planned her next course of action. "Preferably somewhere warm."

She turned her full attention back to August. "Thank you for coming with me today, M. Merrion. Your support does mean a lot to me, though it may not always be obvious that this is so. You don't have to come any further with me; I know I'm not the most stimulating companion. But if you actually want to accompany me, I wouldn't say no."