Date night, part 3: Confessions

* Vedran sits up a little and will pass you your wine
* Aleyn sits up to drink it, not wanting to spill it on your bed
<Aleyn> would you take your pants off?
* Vedran also takes a drink of his
* Aleyn asks, finishing his glass
<Vedran> ...okay
* Aleyn smiles.
* Vedran puts his glass back down and watches you a little nervously as he unbuttons them
* Aleyn leans around you to set his glass back on the table, and leans back to watch
* Vedran hisses a little as he brushes against his own erection
* Vedran slides them off
<Aleyn> ....
<Aleyn> could I touch your cock? just... just touch.
* Aleyn asks nervously
<Vedran> ...I don't know
<Aleyn> okay
* Vedran replies equally nervously
<Vedran> I...want it too much
<Aleyn> ..do you... touch it yourself sometimes?
* Vedran flushes and he shakes his head
<Vedran> I can't
<Aleyn> no?
* Vedran takes a deep breath
<Vedran> ...just makes things worse
<Aleyn> oh.
<Aleyn> when was the last time you came, then?
* Aleyn asks as gently as he can.
* Vedran resists the urge to curl up in a little ball and instead reaches for your hand
* Aleyn holds onto yours in return
<Vedran> .... I have....dreams, sometimes...
* Aleyn nods
* Vedran doesn't seem to have anything to elaborate on that point >.>
<Aleyn> do you remember them?
<Vedran> a little, sometimes
<Aleyn> .... could you tell me one?
<Vedran> ...fucking you?
* Aleyn gives a little smile at that
* Vedran squeezes your hand
* Aleyn squeezes back
<Aleyn> it sounds like a good dream to me... but how do they make you feel?
<Vedran> ...bad :/
<Aleyn> :/
<Aleyn> bad like... dirty?
* Vedran nods
<Vedran> <q>I can't control myself.
<Aleyn> oh.
<Aleyn> Vedran... I can honestly say, I am amazed at how you can control yourself.
* Vedran shakes his head
<Vedran> I have to
<Aleyn> what might happen if you didn't?
<Vedran> ... You won't believe me.
* Vedran says tightly
<Aleyn> you don't know unless you try me.
<Vedran> You won't, Beryl wouldn't believe me...
* Vedran sounds like he is getting more upset pretty quickly
<Aleyn> okay.
<Vedran> Aleyn, I...
<Vedran> I can't
* Aleyn nods.
<Aleyn> all right. can we have some berries now?
* Vedran nods
<Aleyn> (what kind of berries are they?
<Vedran> (blackberries?)
<Aleyn> (mmm)
<Vedran> ...you can
* Aleyn settles up against the head of the bed, offering you a place to lie in his arms and feed each other berries.
<Aleyn> you don't want any?
<Vedran> not right now
* Vedran curls up tightly against you though
* Aleyn still cuddles you, and will eat some anyway
<Vedran> ...will you rub my neck?
<Aleyn> yes.
* Aleyn rubs with his free, non-berry-eating hand, and when he's had enough berries, can switch to two hands.
<Aleyn> here, if you want to lie on your stomach, I can rub your back better.
* Aleyn suggests after a little while
* Vedran will nod and roll over
<Aleyn> do you still have that oil? that was nice.
* Vedran nods
<Vedran> in the drawer
* Aleyn fetches it and then returns to straddle your back.
<Aleyn> is this okay, like this?
<Vedran> ...
<Vedran> for now
<Aleyn> okay. I'll move if it's too much.
* Aleyn dribbles a trail of oil down your spine and starts to rub it in.
* Vedran will lie there, but doesn't seem to actually be relaxing any even after a while
<Vedran> ...Aleyn?
<Aleyn> ... do you want me to stop?
<Vedran> ...I want to talk more
<Vedran> but... its hard
<Aleyn> oh... of course.
<Vedran> and I don't think it will ever not be hard
<Vedran> and I'm scared
<Vedran> what you'll say
<Aleyn> do you want me to not say anything? I can just listen.
<Vedran> maybe
<Aleyn> okay.
<Aleyn> how do you want to be?
<Vedran> I want to sit up
* Aleyn climbs off your back and waits to hear where you want him
* Aleyn nods.
* Vedran scrabbles back into the corner against the headboard, drawing his knees up to his chest
* Aleyn will sit beside you, not touching unless you seem to want that.
* Vedran seems happy not
<Vedran> (Well, happy >.>)
<Aleyn> (aww)
<Aleyn> (not aww I wanted to be touching, aww poor V)
* Vedran eyes you.
<Vedran> ...
<Vedran> I'm scared I'll hurt someone
* Aleyn listens quietly.
* Vedran watches to see how you seem to take that
* Aleyn just nods and waits for more info.
<Vedran> ...I don't know where to start
* Vedran shakes his head
<Vedran> When I got married
* Vedran tries after a few moments of sitting there with his eyes closed
<Vedran> I thought....everything would be fine
<Vedran> I'd ...been with lots of people that... I knew less well
* Vedran glances at you at that, not sure how much sense that made
* Aleyn keeps quiet, since you seemed to want him to.
* Aleyn nods, though.
<Vedran> She already....decided?
<Vedran> She didn't like me
<Aleyn> :/
<Vedran> I though she was scared
<Vedran> It was her...first time
<Vedran> and...
* Aleyn nods again.
<Vedran> I said.. we could wait
* Vedran shakes his head and then hides behind his hand
* Vedran breathe uneasily
<Vedran> She said... we couldn't...because
<Vedran> everyone
<Vedran> expects...things
* Vedran waves a hand as if that is something you will understand
<Aleyn> yeah..
* Aleyn murmurs, not wanting to interrupt you.
* Vedran starts at your sudden interjection
* Aleyn shuts up again -_-
* Vedran 's face is damp
* Vedran glances at you, looking pale and wretched
* Aleyn tries to just keep calm and non-judgemental and attentive.
<Vedran> She said we had to
* Vedran manages again after a little while
<Vedran> but she wouldn't... she just...lay there
<Vedran> And...she didn't want it... and I.. I don;t know
<Vedran> I don't think I..
<Vedran> but
<Vedran> I did
* Vedran is sobbing now
<Vedran> I did it
<Vedran> and it was...awful
<Vedran> and I did it anyway
<Vedran> and now I c-can't, I can't
<Vedran> because
<Vedran> it...almost.. again
<Vedran> and...
* Vedran curls in on himself shaking
* Aleyn feels awful not touching you or saying anything :/
<Vedran> (Well, you're hardly going to make things worse >.>)
<Aleyn> (true...)
* Aleyn reaches out to put a hand on your back.
<Aleyn> Vedran...
* Vedran is sobbing so hard he is almost choking
<Aleyn> I'm glad you told me this. It was brave of you to tell me, and I understand a lot better now.
* Aleyn moves to gather you in his arms as best as he can
* Vedran doesn't resist, but doesn't really help either
* Aleyn sort of gently rocks with you a little, holding you close.
<Aleyn> Breathe now... you got it out. Now you can breathe.
* Vedran tries
* Vedran winds up coughing, his throat all messed up from tension and crying, and oh also cocksucking >.>
* Aleyn helps you sit up a bit better, trying to ease that
* Vedran sits up until the coughing passes and then fall back against you
<Aleyn> there... I've got you...
<Vedran> h-how can you love me n-now..
<Aleyn> ... is it okay if I talk? explain what I think?
* Vedran nods
<Aleyn> okay.
<Aleyn> will you just listen, like I did for you?
<Vedran> t-try..
* Aleyn nods.
<Aleyn> It sounds like she said yes, even if she didn't really want to, and you went with that. Maybe it was a mistake, but I think it was an understandable one - you were doing what she asked for, what people expected, and you thought it would turn out okay.
* Vedran tenses against you but doesn't say anything
<Aleyn> And as for ... things that almost happened, well... they didn't. You didn't.
* Vedran doesn't say anything but shakes his head against you
<Aleyn> If we blamed everyone for every bad thought they've had, no one would be innocent.
* Vedran mumbles something into your shoulder
<Aleyn> hm?
<Vedran> s-sh-she stopped me
<Aleyn> how?
<Vedran> be-because she..knew
<Vedran> sshe..hit me... had to
<Vedran> because I was *bad* @_@
<Aleyn> oh...
<Aleyn> how did she know, though? did you ... say something? do something?
<Vedran> t-t-touched...
<Vedran> myself
<Aleyn> oh, gods... she hit you because you touched yourself?
<Vedran> no, no,no
* Vedran cries again
<Vedran> she knew, she did
<Aleyn> I'm sorry... I'm trying to understand.
<Aleyn> you... wanted to have sex with her.
* Aleyn tries to clarify
* Vedran nods
<Aleyn> and she didn't want to.
* Vedran nods again
<Aleyn> and so... you... thought about doing it anyway, and touched yourself, and she hit you. am I understanding right?
* Vedran sniffs
<Vedran> y-yes
<Aleyn> but you didn't do anything to her.
<Aleyn> you didn't hurt her. because you're a good man, Vedran.
<Aleyn> if you were really the monster you feel like you are, you wouldn't have held back at just thinking about it.
* Vedran cries against you more
* Aleyn holds you close as you cry.
* Vedran will eventually wear himself out with crying, and sit up at least long enough to down the rest of his wine, and then fall back against you
<Aleyn> And... maybe this doesn't need saying, but... I'm not her. I *do* want you, I do love you, and I would do a whole lot more than just lie back and close my eyes for you.
* Aleyn says once you're a little quieter
<Vedran> I know
* Vedran croaks
<Vedran> and even sometimes when I know... that it...doesn't make *sense*, and I *still* feel this way and there's still something wrong with me, and I don't know what to do
<Aleyn> I'm not afraid that you'll hurt me. And I know if I ever did ask you to stop, or say no for some reason, you'd listen.
* Vedran nods
* Aleyn gives you a little kiss on the top of your head
<Aleyn> I'm not sure what the answer is... except that maybe... sometimes imagining how things could go wrong is scarier than actually doing them. Maybe once we try, it won't be as bad as you're expecting?
<Aleyn> but if it is - I can stop too. I can listen to you, like you listen to me.
* Vedran nods
<Aleyn> can I get you a drink of water? or anything else?
<Vedran> I don't want you to get up
<Vedran> I don't want to be alone @_@
<Aleyn> okay. there's still some berries left if you want those.
* Vedran nods
* Aleyn will offer them to you one at a time.
* Vedran will eat a few, but just looks exhausted
* Aleyn will move to get you settled down into bed, once you seem to have given up on berries
* Vedran is easily settled
* Aleyn will stay snuggled up with you.
* Vedran is emotionally drained enough to sleep relatively easily
* Aleyn stays awake a bit longer, watching you sleep, until he drifts off himself at last.
<Vedran> (;_
<Aleyn> (aww)
<Aleyn> (does V seem any better in the morning?)
<Vedran> (He's probably a little nervous around you, but I think Aleyn can take care of that)
* Aleyn wouldn't push for morning sex or anything, and would be as calm and stabilizing as he can manage.
<Vedran> (yeah, calm and reassuring - more with it V might make him promise not to say anything to anyone else)
* Aleyn would of course agree.
* Aleyn will also make sure V eats and drinks in the morning... :p
<Vedran> (Yeah, I was goign to say, other than that, just making sure he gets on with his regular routine stuff)
<Aleyn> (yup)
<Aleyn> (if it's not a Macen day, he will try to encourage him into some minor activity to get out of the house maybe.)
<Vedran> (I was assuming that macen is with his mother for this scene >.>)
<Aleyn> (run an errand or go to the Union or just go for a walk even)
<Aleyn> (aww, *nod*)
<Vedran> (Yeah, I think he goes to the union most days)
<Aleyn> (and Aleyn would make sure they make plans for when to get together next, and basically do all the normal stuff)
<Vedran> (all good)
<Aleyn> (and kisses, nice normal kisses
<Vedran> (<3)
<Vedran> (that will all help V feel better, yes :3)