Crotch Talk With Chaddimus Chadsky

Chad sat on the couch of the Sigma Pi frat house driving his warthog across the flat screen TV hanging on the wall across from him.

"Shoot that guy to the left!" Chad told Trent with agitation.

"Shut your bitch hole, junior, I'm on it," Trent replied dryly, sniping at the offending enemy. He missed, as the Warthog bounced over a rock, and swore with greater vehemence. "Ass-raping whore! This would be easier if you didn't drive like a crackhead."

"I'm driving like a crackhead? Stevie Wonder has better aim than you!"

"Musta been there right after your driving lesson ended." Trent scowled, spraying the area with fire, taking out the initial target and two of his friends. "Ha! Die in a fire, bitches! Now go pickup their shit."

Chad groaned and made his player retrieve the loot from the fallen virtual men. "Nothing good in this haul. Also, friendly fire is frowned upon."

"This is war, my friend. Accidents happen. Also - sniper!"

Trent took a few potshots at the enemy sniper before bunkering down on the far side of the warthog and switching out his weapon for something with better range and more Boom.

Chad drove the warthog behind a big rock for cover. "Accidents? I'm sure it had nothing to do with them having sex with Tracy last month." Chad looked over at the two sophomores and smirked.

"Tracy?" Trent's tone was nonchalant - he was purposefully watching the screen, though the sophomores eyed each other. "Which one is that again?"

"The hot one you call three times a week."

He smiled, still apparently concentrating on the game - and taking a perfect shots at some a cluster of enemy troops. "Oh, Of course. That Tracy. How could *anyone* forget my girl. There must be something in the water, clearly. Or too many video games rotting our brains."

Chad chuckled, and the very nervous looking sophomores maneuvered their players out of Trent's range of fire. "Yeah. That Tracy." Just then a very agitated and heavily accented voice was emitted from Chad's crotch. "Hello? Hello?!? Is anyone there?!?" Chad set his controller down and stood up while everyone in the room stared at him. "Stop looking at my junk ya bunch of homos." And with that he walked calmly from the room with Thompson at his heels.