Time to get my head shrunk (4/24)

It's been a fairly quiet few weeks, enough to allow everyone to more or less settle into their more mundane routines. It's nice, in a way, but it gives Nils too much time to think. And to drink, for that matter.
After the past week or so of constant spectacular drunkenness, Ronnie had pulled him aside and insisted on having a session that Saturday. Thus it was that Nils, spectacularly hung over, hauled himself out of bed at shortly before 11 to dress and make tea, so he would feel slightly less like death when she arrived. After a moment's thought, he poured most of it into his largest mug before pouring a liberal amount of flavored vodka into it. That done, he stashed the bottle and sat down to enjoy his tea whilst waiting for Ronnie.

After a moment there was a soft knock on the door and a few seconds later Ronnie turned the handle and peeked around the corner of the door.

"Nils? You decent?" she said as she peered into the dim apartment.

"Come on in, Esperanza." He said brightly, feeling much better now that he was starting to get a buzz again. "I made tea for us."
Nils kept his smile firmly in place as he carefully carried teapot, cups, and a cloth to set it on to the living room. He set the cloth down on the side table, then put the pot on top of it before handing Ronnie the empty mug. That done, he settled neatly into his chair and took a good sip of his tea. "How are you this morning?"

Ronnie smiled and came inside, putting her hat and coat on the arm of the couch before sitting down. She smiled at Nils' question, realizing that he was asking it preemptively before she could ask him.

"I'm good. I got a hundred dollar tip last night and an honest to god eight hours of sleep. How are you? Feeling any different than last time?"

She took the mug and reached for the teapot to pour her own. As she did she sniffed the air surreptitiously, but if she caught wind of the scent of vodka she made no mention of it.

"Wow, that's wonderful." He said, taking another long sip of his tea. "I'm... I'm alright. Things have been... interesting."
His smile started to look a little strained. "I've had a lot of work, with finals about to happen and gearing up for the summer Con season. And, you know, making all of you things with the skins and feathers. So, I've been busy."

Esperanza took the sugar bowl from the tray and started spooning an obscene amount of sugar into her tea.

"That's good. Busy is good. It's when you have nothing to do that you should wory. Howis class going? I know I've barely had time for mine lately. I don't even want to see what my grades are gonna look like."

Nils sighs. "I guess it's PROBABLY going reasonably well? I don't even know anymore. I used to be able to keep tabs on everything, even with the costume making and classes and being a TA and everything else. It was kind of easy, before. Now... I should be even better equipped to deal with this stuff, but instead I'm barely managing. I don't understand why."

Ronnie scribbled a quick note on the legal pad she had produced from her trenchcoat pocket and took a sip of tea.

"You have no idea at all?" she asked gently.

He shrugged. "Everything's changed, and I was dealing with it so much better when it doubled what we had to do. When we were actively doing something, I was keeping up with everything so much better. Now we're back to a smaller load, and all these new abilities that should make it even easier to do what we always do. But it's all... I don't know. I can't focus on anything properly."

"Nils, you've been under a huge amount of stress lately. Things are changing. Not all of them for the better. These new powers aren't going to let you teach your undergrads better or pass tests easier. At least, mine certainly don't. We still have to deal with our lives just like we always have. When did you start feeling this way?"

Nils bit his lip. He knew exactly when things had started getting overwhelming, and that was right around the time he realized he was stalling out on the research to bring Chrys back. Damned if he was going to say that to her though. He'd done pretty damn well at avoiding the subject, and he'd prefer if it stayed that way. There was NO WAY she'd be down with him getting as drunk as he'd need to discuss her.
He sighed. "I... don't know." He told her, taking another long drink from his 'tea'. "Sometime after New Orleans."

Ronnie made another note in her book and nodded.

"Do you think it had anything to do with what happened to us in New Orleans?" she asked

Nils shook his head. "No, I'm pretty sure it doesn't. Not directly, anyway. I don't bloody know what's going on in my own head anymore, really." He sighed. "I wish things could just be simple for once."

"Not directly?" she asked, "It sounds like you may have a suspicion at least."

Well, shit. He was normally so much better at lying than this. He was unsure whether he was just so used to being honest with her at this point that he couldn't lie, or if it was a subconcious thing, or what, but it was time to do some serious damage control. "I... uhm, no." He said entirely unconvincingly. "Really, I don't have a clue."

Ronnie put down her pen and raised an eyebrow at Nils.

"You don't know, or you don't want to aknowledge it?"

Nils blushed bright red and looked resolutely at the floor, taking a small drink from his tea. "I... erm... the second one. But really, do we need to talk about it now?"
Esperanza could easily tell that even hinting at the subject was pretty stressful for him. As they spoke he reached out to the cloth on the table and proceeded to try and align it exactly square with the corners of the table. It was tricky work with the pot still on it, and he seemed to get more agitated the longer it took.

Ronnie watched Nils struggle with the table-cloth for a moment before reaching out and putting her hand on his to stop him.

"We do." she said, firmly, although inside she hated having to tell him this, "You have to talk about it sometime, Nils. It's going to eat at you until you do."

Nils fought to straighten the cloth while Esperanza held his hands for a moment, then gave up and sat back in his chair, downing the rest of his tea in one long swig before responding. "I... I can't. I don't know how...Where would I even start?" He fidgeted uncomfortably as he spoke. "I'm much too sober to have that discussion, Esperanza."

Ronnie was too slow to grab the cup before he could down his tea, but as soon as he did she grabbed it firmly and pulled it away from him. She sniffed it and put it down on the table.

She sighed and slumped back on the couch.

"Nils, this isn't working. You can't show up drunk, lie to me and expect this to go anywhere. You're not giving me a chance."

Nils looked embarrassed. "I... I just don't know what else to do anymore. It's easier to talk about things with a little in my system already, I thought it might help. And I didn't WANT to lie to you, I just... I can't talk about this one thing. I can try, if you like, but... I flinch whenever I even hear the name used for someone else. Anything that could even be remotely connected in my brain to... that is physically painful to hear. I know I should discuss it, but I just... I don't know that I can."
His actions gave their own proof to his words. He fidgeted frantically, like he was looking for something to obsess over, eventually returning to frantically trying to get the cloth to lie just so.

Ronnie watched Nils fidget with the cloth yet again and felt emotions welling up inside her. She had to do something. Had to force him to deal with this. She wanted to hold him. To hug him and tell him everything would be all right. She could sense he wanted it too. But it was beyond that. That would only make things worse.

She stood up and grabbed her coat and hat from where she had left them.

"Get your keys and your things and come with me." she said.

Nils blinked. "Where... where are we going?" He asked. While waiting for the answer he took the dishes to the kitchen, washing them out and putting them away, taking the offending cloth and putting it away in a drawer as he did.

"Somewhere you never left." was all Esperanza said as she waited for him.

Nils blinked. He really didn't think he liked that answer, but he nonetheless gathered all of his things and grabbed his cane. "Alright, lead the way."